Stubborn

 

PIG-HEADED

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MULISH

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BULL-HEADED

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Synonyms of stubborn: self-willed, bull-headed, hardheaded, inflexible, mulish, obstinate, opinionated, pig-headed, unbending, unyielding.

 

At times war is waged inside my head; in wars between countries there are many factors that can contribute to the first shot fired; wars have been waged in other situations and between individuals where no one is exactly sure who started it, or what it was even about. In most cases it was the ‘straw that broke the camel’s back’.  I have lived for years with wars within my own mind.

Feelings inside, righteous feelings, justified feelings, uncontrollable feelings of being wronged somehow. Those feelings start to multiply and take on a life of their own.

My body becomes affected; blood pressure, heat and anger intensify; control of self disappears; actions and reactions become exaggerated to the extreme; self loathing is not far behind.

War within squelches any modicum of peace.

I am undone.

Father, You know all about me; You know my comings and goings; You know the wars I’ve fought; You know none are ever won; You know I’m the casualty that suffers long after the smoke has lifted; You know recovery seems to elude me.

I know how much You have fought alongside me; I know the battle wounds You’ve tried to heal; I know the paths of least resistance You’ve constantly revealed to me; I know I’ve pulled away and run toward the path paved with tears; I know You have cried along with me. I’m so tired of the fight.

I’ve prayed this prayer over and over again. Father, forgive me. I do know what I am doing, but I don’t want to do it anymore. Help me, again. Please. I ask this in Your All-Powerful name. Amen

 

 

This singer fights his own demons. He describes many of the rooms in which I’ve found myself.

“Stubborn” 

by Michael English | from the album Some People Change

 
There’s a whole lot of stubborn in this room
There’s a whole lot of pride that won’t let go
There’s a whole lot of stubborn in this room
That shows no sign of giving up control
I’ve drawn all the curtains
I’ve turned out all the lights
Scared to death somebody else might see
There’s a whole lot of stubborn in this room
And there’s no one here but me

There’s a whole lot of demons in this room
They want it all, and they don’t wanna share
There’s a whole lot of demons in this room
And none of them believe in fighting fair
Some sit on my left
Some sit on my right
They talk so loud it’s hard to disagree
I’m surrounded by the demons in this room
And there’s no one here but me

I can’t quite remember how to pray anymore
I can’t quite remember what to say anymore
If it turns out that I can’t have my way anymore
How will I know which way to turn, when I walk out the door?

There’s a molecule of faith in this room
What they used to call a mustard seed
There’s a molecule of faith in this room
And a book that says that’s all I’ll ever need
I don’t know where it is, but I hope I find it soon
Cause nothing else will ever set me free
There’s a molecule of faith in this room
And even though it’s much too small to see,
If I have the courage to believe
I’ll find the one who left it here for me.

 

 

Please click on the following to hear, Stubborn.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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