I have been possessed; I was possessed; I could be again. I know what it’s like to completely lose control. I have been so out of control that I have no memory of what I said, what I did. I knew it was bad; I knew it was wrong; I knew it was my fault; but I played the blame game well, and often.
Power is not my friend. Power unleashed is savage, cruel, violent. Power is dangerous. Power is unbelievable strength untethered. Power is evil.
I enjoyed the savagery of power; I felt the surge race through my body; adrenaline pumped me up; my blood pressure shot up; heat consumed me; my actions bypassed my brain; I was blocked, barred, banned from knowing the full extent of power’s destructive path. Until it left me spent, exhausted, depleted. I was left, abandoned, shamed, alone, and knowing nothing good could ever become of the wreck that was me.
God, how could you have looked at me, evil’s pawn, and come close? Cruel and volatile, no good could ever come from me. Yet you came; You calmed my pulse; You brought cooling water to bring down my temper; You called out the demons that threatened my very life.
You taught me new words to replace the volatile label I’d been given. Little did I know that this vile word accompanied by the power of evil had promise for good. Volatile, explosive, can also describe one who is lighthearted, lively, difficult to capture or hold down; my favorite new meaning is having the power to fly. Okay, yes, to fly off the handle is a familiar meaning, but I can actually fly! In my dreams I have often taken flight. There is no particular talent to flying; all it takes is to open wide your arms and curve them down; it has nothing to do with air; it has everything to do with lift; I am lifted up; zooming, swirling, darting, looping, freed from all limitations, I fly.
Losing power was and is the best thing that has ever happened to me. God, I thank You for redirecting, renaming, readjusting, my energies. I am totally blessed that my life was spared, for life as I knew it was not living. Only You, the All-Powerful, All-Knowing, Ever-Present Lord, could have saved me from myself. I owe my life to You; I offer my life in service to You; Use me; I think I have been called to share my stories; I pray that I can humbly serve using words that often don’t flow from my fingers, but are guided by the most gentle, loving, hands I’ve ever known … Yours.
Anger is one letter short of danger. ~Author Unknown
Where there is anger, there is always pain underneath. ~Eckhart Tolle
Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured. ~Baptist Beacon
At the core of all anger is a need that is not being fulfilled. ~Marshall B. Rosenberg
You will not be punished for your anger, you will be punished by your anger. ~Buddha
Author: Isaac Watts 1806
In anger, Lord, rebuke me not;
Withdraw the dreadful storm;
Nor let thy fury grow so hot
Against a feeble worm.
My soul’s bowed down with heavy cares,
My flesh with pain oppressed;
My couch is witness to my tears,
My tears forbid my rest.
Sorrow and pain wear out my days,
I waste the night with cries,
Counting the minutes as they pass,
Till the slow morning rise.
Shall I be still tormented more?
Mine eye consumed with grief?
How long, my God, how long before
Thine hand afford relief?
He hears when dust and ashes speak,
He pities all our groans;
He saves us for his mercy’s sake,
And heals our broken bones.
The virtue of his sovereign word
Restores our fainting breath;
For silent graves praise not the Lord,
Nor is he known in death.
Someone or something that is savage is extremely cruel , violent , and uncontrolled : fierce, ferocious, barbarous, cruel, mean, showing fury in looks or actions.