Limbo

 

I haven’t been anywhere forever, not even to Hartsville, where I am supposed to clean Mother and Daddy’s estate once a month. My husband has been on a plane and flown to California and to Colorado. He will soon be flying back to Colorado again … we think. Why am I just sitting here at home? I don’t mind being at home; there’s lots to do; my garden takes much of my time; pickle ball games on Tuesdays and Thursdays are really fun; I have started deep cleaning the house one room at a time-not fun, but rewarding.

It is the first day of summer, I usually would have been to the beach by now; tanned and refreshed from the sun, strand, and ocean breezes, my mind, body, and spirit would have a new attitude and a new vitality. That’s not the case. This is the summer of waiting. This is the summer I stay at home … just in case I’m needed. This is the summer I am really not needed and won’t be needed-just left at home.

Well, I want to change this scenario. A month or so back I talked about just jumping in the car and setting out who knows where for who cares how long. So, why haven’t I left yet? I think I might be needed. I am tired of waiting. It is up to me to change what I can; if change is what I want.

Does anyone out there know where I am going with this? Round and round I go, up and down I go, making loop-de-loops ending up where I started: at home, waiting, needed, maybe, maybe not.

Lord, I am complaining and have no reason in this world to complain. Blessed beyond my wildest dreams, there is no excuse for this pity party. If I want to get in a car, a plane, a boat, or a hot air balloon, I have the means and the time to do it. Dare I set off, no plan in mind, no destination mapped out, no reservations of any kind-accommodations or misgivings. Daring and doing are the crux of the matter. I think of my sister Anne who is no longer in this world with us; at fifty-eight, she was not a world traveler, but did that matter to her? I really don’t know. Are there things she wanted to do, places she wanted to see? Did she leave us wanting more? I know she wanted more time with her sweet husband and family. I know she wanted those golden years of growing old gracefully. I know she never planned on getting cancer-who does?

Heavenly Father, I do not feel led anywhere right now. I do not feel I have a mission of any kind right now. Am I to rest up for what’s next? I don’t know. Thank You, Dear Lord for letting me ponder this state of being I’ll call limbo. Not knowing what the next best thing to do may mean being still, quiet, and receptive to Your still small voice.

Being still, quiet, and receptive will be challenge enough. I’ll try, Lord. I’ll try.

 

 

Psalm 28:6-7    The Message
Blessed be God—
he heard me praying.
He proved he’s on my side;
I’ve thrown my lot in with him.
Now I’m jumping for joy,
and shouting and singing my thanks to him.

 

2 Timothy 2:14-17  The Message 
Repeat these basic essentials over and over to God’s people. Warn them before God against pious nitpicking, which chips away at the faith. It just wears everyone out. Concentrate on doing your best for God, work you won’t be ashamed of, laying out the truth plain and simple. Stay clear of pious talk that is only talk. Words are not mere words, you know. If they’re not backed by a godly life, they accumulate as poison in the soul.

 

 

Begone Unbelief

Words: John New­ton  1779

Music: at­trib­ut­ed to Jo­hann M. Hay­dn (1737-1806)

 

Begone unbelief, my Savior is near,
And for my relief will surely appear:
By prayer let me wrestle, and He wilt perform,
With Christ in the vessel, I smile at the storm.

 

Though dark be my way, since He is my Guide,
’Tis mine to obey, ’tis His to provide;
Though cisterns be broken, and creatures all fail,
The Word He has spoken shall surely prevail.

 

His love in time past forbids me to think
He’ll leave me at last in trouble to sink;
Each sweet Ebenezer I have in review,
Confirms His good pleasure to help me quite through.

 

Determined to save, He watched o’er my path,
When Satan’s blind slave, I sported with death;
And can He have taught me to trust in His Name,
And thus far have brought me, to put me to shame?

 

Why should I complain of want or distress,
Temptation or pain? He told me no less:
The heirs of salvation, I know from His Word,
Through much tribulation must follow their Lord.

 

How bitter that cup, no heart can conceive,
Which He drank quite up, that sinners might live!
His way was much rougher, and darker than mine;
Did Jesus thus suffer, and shall I repine?

 

Since all that I meet shall work for my good,
The bitter is sweet, the medicine is food;
Though painful at present, wilt cease before long,
And then, O! how pleasant, the conqueror’s song!

 

 

A good traveler has no fixed plans, and is not intent on arriving.  ~Lao Tzu

 

Travel and change of place impart new vigor to the mind.  ~Seneca

 

Try the great open road — you may meet God. ~Martin H. Fischer (1879–1962)

 

Life is not happening to you. Life is responding to you. ~Author Unknown

 

If you don’t like something change it; if you can’t change it, change the way you think about it. ~Mary Engelbreit

 

Anywhere is paradise; it’s up to you. ~Author Unknown

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Loop

2 thoughts on “Limbo”

  1. Jan, it sounds to me like what you think you want to do is truly not what you desire to do. Listen to what you heart is telling you and go with that. Thank you for sharing.

  2. Mel, that’s just it … I can’t tell the difference between what my mind and my heart are telling me … I’ll just wait and see what develops … in the meantime … I’ll keep on keeping on and write and enjoy the good times I have right where I am … wherever that may be !!! Thanks, Mel, for always helping me think through things. Jan

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