I can’t … I’ve tried

 

How many years have I punished myself, beat myself up, and generally thought I was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad person; to almost quote the title of Judith Viorst’s 1972 children’s book, Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day.

Self-control means to be able to check, limit, curb, regulate, restrain, have power over, or reduce the incidence or severity of anything and everything by my SELF! Now, to a certain extent I agree this is a very important attribute. However, to say that I am and should be able to control ANYTHING is, well, IMpossible. With God all things are possible. With me, not so much!

I’m not trying to get out of being an adult, taking responsibilities for my actions, being a law-abiding citizen. I’m not. I am seriously thinking that this may be the time in my life that I finally quit trying so hard, do the best I can, and ask YOU, Dear Lord, for help. If I could honestly give up trying to control my life and the lives of others, wouldn’t things work out much better? Yes! If… if … if I could give up and admit I am not able to live up to my expectations, other’s expectations, and they are not able to live up to mine. Lord, this emotional problem of mine is and has been the thorn in my flesh my entire life. This is a weakness that can and almost has broken me so many times. I know You use broken-ness and weakness to show Your Glory. I want to give You my broken-ness, my weaknesses. Use them, change them, rearrange them into a strength for Your Glory and Honor. I am tired of trying to carry this cross. Truthfully, I have never carried it. I have only dragged it around with me, plowing ditches behind me, that keep getting deeper and deeper. Help me, Dear Lord. Show me how to Let Go and Let You take over. I am ready. I am willing. Cause I am not able to do this on my own. Please, I am reaching out for Your hand; Daddy, I need You!

 

This hymn says it all.

 

Just a Closer Walk With Thee   Anonymous

 

I am weak but Thou art strong;
Jesus, keep me from all wrong;
I’ll be satisfied as long
As I walk, let me walk close to Thee.

 
Refrain:
Just a closer walk with Thee,
Grant it, Jesus, is my plea,
Daily walking close to Thee,
Let it be, dear Lord, let it be.

 
Thro’ this world of toil and snares,
If I falter, Lord, who cares?
Who with me my burden shares?
None but Thee, dear Lord, none but Thee. [Refrain]

 

When my feeble life is o’er,
Time for me will be no more;
Guide me gently, safely o’er
To Thy kingdom shore, to Thy shore. [Refrain]

 

A few quotes I found helpful.

 

May I ever practice self-control,
May I learn to be patient and kind;
May I meet my problems with wisdom;
If I do, I will have peace of mind.
May I keep my temper every day;
May I be honest and fair and brave;
May calmness cover me, as a cloak,
That my own self-respect I may save.
When I give way to anger and fear,
And when to passions I am a slave,
I am harming my body and soul
That my God, in His love, to me gave.
~Gertrude Tooley Buckingham, “When I Am Master of My Soul” (1940s)

 

Eventually you come to realize that most people aren’t looking for a fight but for someone to surrender to. ~Robert Brault

 

If you want light to come into your life, you need to stand where it is shining.  Guy Finley

 

If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn’t sit for a month.  Theodore Roosevelt

 

When life knocks you down, try to land on your back because if you can look up, you can get up.  Eric Thomas

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Control  to check, limit, curb, or regulate; restrain; to have power over; to reduce the incidence or severity of.

2 thoughts on “I can’t … I’ve tried”

  1. You cannot drag that which you are, love! Relying on self is frustrating at the least and self defeating at the worst. Give up control and you get control, do not try and do it on your own.

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