Me

It’s 2 in the morning and I have already risen and had Cornflakes. I love Cornflakes; I only buy a box maybe four or five times a year; why, I don’t buy them more often I don’t know, they make me happy. There was a commercial years and years and years ago about an ice cream company; the little boy in the commercial in a deadpan face said about the ice cream, “It makes me happy.” No emotion, no facial expression, no enthusiasm, no sign of joy, just that statement that he was happy. I loved that commercial; it made me laugh. I don’t know why. Maybe the advertisers were counting on the viewers to see the incongruity of the scene; viewing a child with joy and excitement saying ice cream made them happy seems quite normal; seeing a child void of emotions saying ice cream makes them happy, now that gets your attention-smart!

I am bipolar. Yep, that’s who I am; God made me this way; so it has to be good, right, pleasing, and important to Him. God, You make no mistakes. I on the other hand make and have made so many mistakes, missteps, misinterpretations, misunderstandings, misrepresentations; miserable to be around, at times; miserable to be me, at times.

A paradox can be a person that combines contradictory features or qualities; that’s me in a nut shell. No, I’m not a nut, crazy, sick or off the wall; I’m just me. I decided long ago to think my bipolar diagnosis, which is only someone’s label applied to my fitting a list of behaviors, I decided to call this label a gift. What I am is filled with enthusiasm for life, living, seeing, doing, thinking, feeling, being.

So many times I have been described as enthusiastic, told my enthusiasm was infectious, related their desire to have even half my enthusiasm. Yep, that’s me; the ups and downs of my bipolar life. What a bad rap we get, those of us blessed with intense, super intense emotions. Looking up the word enthusiasm, and its origin is eye-opening.

The Greek prefix en- means in, or within; the suffix -iasm or -ism form nouns that show action, practice, state, or condition; -thus- means God. Putting that all together enthusiasm means God within, or the spirit of God within.

An accolade, an honor it is to be described as enthusiastic. This gift of mine, bipolar-ism, allows me the opportunity to live life, everything, every emotion, intensely.

I am not just happy, I am ecstatic; I don’t just laugh, I am belly laughing on the floor; I don’t talk with my mouth, I use my entire body to communicate; I don’t just get hot, I fry. I try to listen to others, but my own inner conversations, one topic toppling over into another topic, compete with what you are trying to tell me; I don’t just cry, I sob, wail, till total exhaustion wears me out; I don’t just garden, read, write, cook, clean, shop, give, argue, praise, get angry, love. I don’t just do anything! 

I rarely type a paragraph without one, two, or three exclamation points!!! See!!!

This feels good to see it all here in print. As down as I can get; as much as I chastise myself; as I focus on what’s wrong with me, it is refreshing to see what is right with me, too!!!

Dear Lord, I thank You for creating me with so many passions. I thank You for allowing me to experience Your Magnificent Creation intensely. I thank You for allowing my life to be full, so very full of ALL Your many gifts, provisions, blessings. I am wonderfully made. You make no mistakes, Dear Lord. I am blessed to call You Father. I am blessed You make Your home within me. Together we live life enthusiastically!!!

Amen, Amen, and again I say, Amen

This is a favorite childhood hymn of mine, Into My Heart  
Words and Music: Verse 1, Harry D. Clarke, 1924, verse 2 anonymous

Into my heart, into my heart,
Come into my heart, Lord Jesus;
Come in today, come in to stay;
Come into my heart, Lord Jesus.

Out of my heart, out of my heart,
Shine out of my heart, Lord Jesus;
Shine out today, shine out alway;
Shine out of my heart, Lord Jesus.

Here’s another hymn with enthusiasm!

Since Jesus Came into My Heart
Rufus H. McDaniel, 1914

What a wonderful change in my life has been wrought
Since Jesus came into my heart;
I have light in my soul for which long I have sought,
Since Jesus came into my heart.

Refrain:
Since Jesus came into my heart,
Since Jesus came into my heart;
Floods of joy o’er my soul like the sea billows roll,
Since Jesus came into my heart.

I have ceased from my wand’ring and going astray,
Since Jesus came into my heart;
And my sins which were many are all washed away,
Since Jesus came into my heart.

I’m possessed of a hope that is steadfast and sure,
Since Jesus came into my heart;
And no dark clouds of doubt now my pathway obscure,
Since Jesus came into my heart.

There’s a light in the valley of death now for me,
Since Jesus came into my heart;
And the gates of the City beyond I can see,
Since Jesus came into my heart.

I shall go there to dwell in that City I know,
Since Jesus came into my heart;
And I’m happy, so happy as onward I go,
Since Jesus came into my heart.

 

 

 

 

Fry

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