I sat at the Waffle House yesterday-thinking- it would have been Mother’s eighty-fourth birthday today, the twenty-second of December-it just won’t happen. Tears leaked out of my eyes and down my cheeks; they just appeared. Is this what the next few days will produce? Will I have to push down any memories of Mother and Anne? That doesn’t seem right to me or to their memory. Anne would have turned fifty-nine on New Year’s Day. Will I need to punch that down as well? It just won’t happen. I can’t rid myself of my family’s vital importance, influence, and presence. It just won’t happen! But the day did come, other days will come-without them.
My only living sibling and I are politely estranged as we have been on and off for over thirty years, though we live only blocks away. My Angel Anne in heaven-her family is distant-always have been.When will we all be close? If I were a betting woman I’d say based on past experience and pure gut feelings, I’d say it just won’t happen! Why? What in our family life resulted in such a mess? I know, and they know, but was there no other way? Can bygones be bygones? It could happen; but it hasn’t happened yet.
Is my grief over their absence from their earthly home or from their absence from my life for oh so many years? I grieve both. What can soothe my grief over what is and what was? Will I forget and forgive in time? Will I allow healing to enter my heart? Will I stop dredging up regret upon regret? Will I believe that the way our lives interacted was part of Your plan, Dear Lord? That it didn’t just happen?
Romans 8:28 Three different versions
And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. King James Version
We know that in everything God works for the good of those who love him. They are the people God called, because that was his plan. International Children’s Bible
Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God’s Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don’t know how or what to pray, it doesn’t matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That’s why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good. The Message
Pregnant is a curious word to use here in The Message. I looked up the definition in Merriam Webster Dictionary and one definition is: “having possibilities of development or consequence: involving important issues: momentous.”
Yes, God does know these possibilities, what issues are involved, and how nothing in our lives is trivial-all is momentous and working toward God’s Good.
It just won’t happen is my thought based upon my own inabilities. It hasn’t happened and it won’t happen-not through any effort or powers or intentions of mine. But it will happen if I believe that, “Jesus looked at them and said, ‘With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible’.” Matthew 19:26 New International Version
It Came Upon the Midnight Clear
Text: Edmund H. Sears, 1810-1876
Music: Richard Storrs Willis, 1819-1900
It came upon the midnight clear,
that glorious song of old,
from angels bending near the earth
to touch their harps of gold:
“Peace on the earth, good will to men,
from heaven’s all-gracious King.”
The world in solemn stillness lay,
to hear the angels sing.
Still through the cloven skies they come
with peaceful wings unfurled,
and still their heavenly music floats
o’er all the weary world;
above its sad and lowly plains,
they bend on hovering wing,
and ever o’er its Babel sounds
the blessed angels sing.
And ye, beneath life’s crushing load,
whose forms are bending low,
who toil along the climbing way
with painful steps and slow,
look now! for glad and golden hours
come swiftly on the wing.
O rest beside the weary road,
and hear the angels sing!
For lo! the days are hastening on,
by prophet seen of old,
when with the ever-circling years
shall come the time foretold
when peace shall over all the earth
its ancient splendors fling,
and the whole world send back the song
which now the angels sing.